


XBFF

by AlexanderTemple



Category: Original Work
Genre: Best Friends, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Gay, Homophobia, M/M, No Sex, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-31 20:00:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21252125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexanderTemple/pseuds/AlexanderTemple
Summary: This is a 4 part story that is about a friendship between two thirteen-year-old boys. A story about how prejudice, discrimination, and fear can hurt friendship, and test it to the limits.
Kudos: 2





	1. Best Friends

Living in a small town in Ireland is something many people would hate. The town my family lived in had 780 people and just as many lived in the countryside around the town. The town itself looks the same as it did 100 years ago. This means that everyone knew everyone and there was a good community atmosphere.

So why would people hate it? Well, definitely the city people would hate it. Nothing new ever happened in the town, and the highlight of the week was mass in the church on Sundays. The town supported a farming community and they had enough work to do on their farms. The only nightlife was when people visited one of the seven pubs in the town. City dwellers would consider our little town boring.

I was 13 when all this happened, so I knew nothing else. The year was 1987. I was proud to live in our town. It had all that I needed, like school, a local scout group, and sports. As a teen, I was, of course, we were influenced by the media so we knew what the latest fashion was and what was in and what was not. I will be honest with you, I never found it boring living in our town. I had enough friends and activities to keep me busy.

I lived with my mom and dad and older sister that had a small shop in the town. Mom and Dad were God-fearing people that worked hard and were family orientated. My mom was in the woman's group at Church and my dad liked to hunt. I got on well enough with my sister, who was always busy with her latest boyfriend. She was also picky and interfered with how I dressed and looked. As she often said, she did not want a geek as a brother. It was part of her image that she had a cool brother. This could be annoying at times, but the positive side was that I was never considered a geek or teased.

I did not really have a best friend. I hung around with the other boys in town. I always considered the whole best friend thing as something the girls did. My reasoning was that girls needed someone to confide in and tell the latest secrets and gossip. I really did not need a best friend as I could see the drama and intrigues that happened among the girls. It seemed like something one would see on some soap drama, and some girl was often let hurt.

Boys are different. We do not need anyone to confide in. We just hint to the group if we have a problem. Usually, this is done by using some imaginative boy that has a problem and asks what he should do. The good thing is we would find out that a problem we had was the same problem everyone had and we would have a good laugh. Boys did not have the drama that girls had. If we disagreed, we would just meet in the town park and let our fists decide who was right and wrong. After this duel, the whole thing would be forgotten and we would be friends again.

Who needed a best friend when you could have 12 good friends?

When I was 13, a new boy moved into town. It must have been a huge change for him, as he came from Dublin. Right from the first time I saw him come into the classroom, I knew there was something interesting about him. It was like he was special! I suppose the fact that he came from Dublin made him special enough. He also looked special. He had the school uniform on, but his hair went down to his shoulders. When he spoke, his hand flapped around in all directions and it was obvious that voice did not change yet. It was very high pitched!

His name was Martin and he sat down next to me. I introduced myself and welcomed him to our little school. I still remember his first day at our school. It was like it was the event of the year, that a new boy came into our class. The first thing that surprised me was his pencil case. He had so many pens and erasers and other school things and they were so neat in the case. All my pens were old and I had a habit of biting them so you could see the teeth marks on them. The second thing I noticed was when he wrote. He was so slow! When I say slow, I mean slow. A snail would write faster! Besides all this, I found out that Martin was very brainy. He obviously studied a lot.

After school, Martin walked home to my parent's shop. I told him about my family and the shop. He told me that he lived with his mom and dad and his dad worked in the bank. He did not like being new as he was shy around others. I could not see that he was shy. I did notice that he was polite towards my parents and he talked a lot. We must have talked for an hour. At least he now knew everything about the town and which teacher he should avoid.

That was the first time I met Martin. He seemed to like me as he would smile when he saw me and chatter about what he did since we last met. We sat together in class and he was a good influence on me in class. Martin even helped me with things that I found difficult to do. I even started writing slower and tried my best that my writing would look as good as his. Some things are a lost cause, but at least I tried.

After school, we would walk together home. Sometimes we would go to the park and just sit on the grass and enjoy the weather, while at other times we would go to the shop and see if my parents would give us some candy from the shop.

My mother told me one day that it was good I found a friend, and this was the first time that I realized that did have a friend. I was a bit afraid that this broke the unwritten rule that boys did not have best friends. The group was more important than friends. On the other side, Martin clung on to me all the time and I liked that. It was like I was he needed me and I needed him. This being said, I do not know why he was my friend. We were not the same and did not even like the same pop groups. I liked dance music while he loved ballads were some singer was crooning about some lost love. Even though we did not have the same interests, I found Martin interesting. I never met a person like him. He was different, and in many ways perfect. I wanted to much to have some talents that he had. An example is when he smiled and laughed. It was contagious and made everyone happy.

I do not think that the other boys saw him the way I have seen him. We had a football game against another school. We always were beaten by this school and we really wanted to win this time. Everyone was playing at their best and the game was a tie. Martin was playing in the defense. This was an easy position I felt. I was an attacker and felt the pressure all the game to get a goal.

The game started with a disaster. The other team got a goal after 5 minutes. So for the rest of the game, we had low team morale but did not give up hope. The ball went back and forth but neither team could get a goal. The highlight of the game came when I managed to get a goal. I would say it was planned and because I was so talented, but the truth is that I was lucky. The goalkeeper should have stopped it, but he misjudged which direction I would kick and the end result was that we managed to tie the game.

This made the team happy as we would have been satisfied with a tie. However, the other school made a last effort to get a goal. Martin was the only one to stop the ball. I was shocked when I just saw him stand there and cover his eyes. This was the cause of them getting a goal and us losing!

Martin was unpopular after the game, and being teased that he played football like a girl. They called him a sissy and generally gave him a bad time. I was disappointed with him as well. Martin tried to explain that he did not like sports and he was afraid of the ball. I just thought that shows we are all different and it does not make him a freak.

After that game, it took a week or so for the other boys to forgive him. Still, he was not really one of the group, and this split me. At lunch break, the other boys would kick a ball around or something active and I always thought this was fun. However, Martin did not want to! Martin just wanted to stand in a corner and chat and talk. He would talk about anything from music, politics, morality and the latest gossip. He would try and tell a joke, something he was very bad at. The thing is Martin was interesting and I liked talking with him. The problem was that I felt split. The other boys said they needed me in some game they were playing. I wanted to play the game, but did not want to leave Martin alone!

Disaster stroke Martin when his father left him and his mother. It was not like Martin was close to his dad, but he took it very personally that his dad left. Martin was in tears when he told me that he thought that he was not good enough for his dad. He now spent a lot of time trying to console his mother and hoping she would stop crying. I spent a lot of time at Martins's house, and even though I did not know what to say or do, I think that just listening to him was enough for him. This made me also think of how lucky I was for my family.

Martin surprised everyone one day by coming to the school with an earring. The school was Catholic and run by a religious order called the Christian Brothers. One of the brothers told Martin to get rid of the earring. Martin refused, which is something only a person wishing to commit suicide would do. I never seen anyone disagree with a teacher or brother and yet here was Martin standing his ground. The brother told Martin that his long hair and earring were not Catholic!

Martin still refused to get rid of his earring or cut his air. He even refused when the other boys told him that he looked like a sissy! The teacher finally sent Martin to the headmaster. As I sat in class, I could not concentrate as I was thinking about what torture he was going through at the headmaster's office. Minutes passed away slowly and the longer the time went, the more worried I got.

Martin came back smiling and whispered to me that he did not have to change. He later told me the headmaster really did not care about his hair or earring. He was more worried about how Martin was coping with his father leaving him.

When I visited Martin the following weekend, I told him I did not mind his hair or earring. If he liked it, then so be it. I figured it must be something the boys in Dublin done. I told Martin that I admired his courage and it was a victory for the pupils that someone actually stood up to the teachers.

Then I got all personal and said, " I never had a best friend, and never thought I needed one. However, I consider you my best friend. I hope this is ok."

"We are BFF" Martin explained. He also had to explain that BFF means best friends forever.

I told Martin that I had a secret he should know. It took me some time to say it, but after 20 minutes of stuttering and sighing, I told him that I still wet the bed. I found this very embarrassing as I had to wear pull-ups and this made me feel like a baby. I begged him not to tell anyone at school, as my worse fear was that everyone at school would find out. If this happened, then my life would end!

Martin did not tell anyone at school. I felt bad at wondering if he would or would not. After all, we were best friends, and best friends do not tell each other's secrets!

In fact a few weeks after, he invited me to a sleepover. I love sleepovers and this one was no different. His mom made us spaghetti and after we saw the TV, while we ate junk food. Martin gave me his bed to sleep in while he slept in a sleeping bag on the floor. It took us a long time to sleep, as we chatted about everything and joked. It was a great sleepover and we agreed that as best friends, we should do this often. The next time, he could sleep at my house.

When I was nearly asleep, Martin shook me and told me he had something to tell me. He said as best friends, it was important he told me his deepest secret.

I smiled and told him to relax and he could tell me...

Martin whispered in a low voice, " Well... My deepest secret is that.... well you see.. it is hard to explain... it's even hard to admit.... well here it goes... I am gay!"


	2. Choices

Martin told me he was gay and I nearly choked to death! My first reaction was to pull up the blankets and pray he did not come in bed with me. My thoughts were going crazy in my head and I was thinking what gay actually meant. I felt sick when I thought that it meant that Martin did not like girls. He liked boys and wanted to do... you know... do adult things with boys. This was just too much for my head. I could not sleep after he told me that.

He did ask me if I was ok after he told me that. I wanted to say it was like a huge bomb been cast down on us. I wanted to say I was confused. I wanted to say that I was afraid! I told him I was just tired and we should sleep. Shortly after I heard him snoring. I felt sick when I imagined that he dreaming that I was his boyfriend.

As soon as there was light, I stood up and quickly brushed my teeth and put some clothes on. Martin slowly woke up as I finished putting my clothes on. He asked me what I wanted for breakfast. I muttered that I had to go quickly as I remembered my mom wanted me home. Then I explained that we had to do something. This was, of course, a lie, as I just wanted to get out of his house as quick as possible.

Mom was surprised when she saw me home so early. She asked me how things went and I just answered fine. I told her that I needed to go to my room and rest, as we did not get a lot of sleep. I walked up to my room and laid on the bed. I sighed as I closed my eyes. I was safe now. I did not feel that my best friend would suddenly try to kiss me.

Why did he have to be gay? Why couldn't he be like everyone else and like girls! I could not stop thinking of him wanting me to be as a boyfriend. This thought scared me as I could not even start to think about what we could do. Could one of us become pregnant?

This messed everything up. My best friend was gay and I did not know if he expected me to be gay. Not only this but what would the other boys in the class think? They knew we were good friends. When they found out that Martin was gay, then they would think that we are more than best friends. They would think that I was romantic with him like we kiss and all that! My reputation would be ruined! Martin would be teased and possibly bullied, and so would I. I did not want people to think I was weird and I had the same thoughts as Martin.

It did explain why he did not like sports and just wanted to stand and gossip all the time. I suppose it also explained his long hair and the perfect way he wrote. I felt so stupid that I did not see the signs that he was gay. I was in a life crisis.

So the next school day came, and I came at the latest minute. Martin was sitting at the desk already. My heart was beating hard as now I had to make a decision. I sat down next to John and told him I would like to sit there in the future. The teacher noticed and I explained that I could better see the blackboard. John was happy that I sat next to him and when we could get a chance, we talked about what we would do that day.

This meant that I ignored Martin all day. He followed me out at lunchtime and asked if we should talk. I ignored him and played sport with the other boys. Once in a while, I could see Martin standing there just looking as he was lost in the middle of a strange crowd. I didn't have time to feel sorry for him, as you know the pace of sport can be quite quick. For a while, I forgot all about Martin and just enjoyed being free and doing the things that a boy should do.

After school, he tried following me home again. However I was walking with John and we were speaking together, so Martin could not get a word in. John waited at the shop for a bit and then left. I looked at Martin and told him that he had to go, as I was busy!

Doing homework was not the same. Martin always helped me with the hard bits and this was quite a lot. Now I had to let my brain do all the work, which caused a lot of frustration and pulling of hair. I do admit that I missed Martin, but I have made up my mind. I had to think if we could be best friends when he was gay. I had to think if I wanted to take a chance and be teased because everyone thought we were boyfriends. Most importantly, I had to think if Martin being gay made him a bad person, and one that wanted to corrupt me.

What would the priest say?

I decided that I needed to speak with someone, This would have to be my mom.

I took a deep breath when we were alone and asked if being gay was wrong?

" Well, gay... er being gay... you see," mom stammered and it was like she could not think of an answer, " Being gay is not good. I mean it it is not natural. It is against nature. It is also against what God wants from us!"

" So how does a person get gay?"

" Some consider it sickness and some consider it a perversion. Others think that it is something you are born with. Personally, I think it is things that influence a person."

" So it's not their fault they are gay?"

" Like everything in life, we have a choice. Even if a person has gay tendencies, they still have a choice if they want to carry this out in reality."

" But are they bad people?"

" I believe that everyone has some good in them. It's hard to say if they are bad. If they are being gay with others, then they are sinning as it is against what the Church says. They need to pray for strength to see their wicked actions and courage not to choose this way of life."

Adults could be so confusing when they gave answers. Why could the answers not be a simple yes or no? Why did parents have to philosophize so much and have huge explanations? I mean Martin being gay is either bad or good. I asked did it mean that he was a bad person, this means that he is either good or bad. Yes or no!

I didn't understand much from moms answers, but I did understand that being gay was a sinner. I felt mean that I have ignored Martin since he told me he was gay: He decided that he was gay, so this meant we could not be friends, as I did not want to be corrupted. We could not be friends when he wanted to sin and be wicked!

That night, I heard mom say that I was now old enough that I was asking delicate questions. She told Dad that I asked questions about being gay, and was worried about me. It ended where mom asked dad if I should see a shrink.

Damn Martin! He started all this confusion! Now, mom thought I was gay!

I ignored Martin the next few days and it was like the old days before Martin came to the school. I will admit, the longer that went with me ignoring Martin, the less I thought that I was being mean. Having fun with the others helped this and so did my reasoning that he choose this himself. The important thing for me was that I was now happy being around friends and I knew that they would not corrupt me.

It was only when I saw Martin standing alone or sitting alone in the classroom that I thought about him. I had to remind myself that it was him that chose the life of being gay and I had to protect my morals!

A week went and just as I thought life was calming down and I could enjoy it, Mom came to my room and said that there was someone that wanted to speak to me in the shop. I thought it was John, but my smile disappeared when I saw it was Martin. He stood and looked down at the floor as I looked at him. How could he do this? I made up my mind that we were no longer friends? How could he not understand this?

" D-Do you want to do something?" he asked

" No, I am busy doing homework"

" Maybe tomorrow"

" I doubt it. I must go now as homework is waiting"

" I-I can help you!"

I walked away as I heard him ask was it because of the secret he told me. How did he not know it was?

That night I was on Skype talking with some friends across the world. Suddenly Martin wrote to me:

19:24 (Martin): Why do you no longer like me?

19:27 (Martin): I thought we were best friends forever!

19:32 (Martin): I miss you

19:39 (Martin): Why don't you answer me?

19:43 (Martin): You told me your secret and I did not start hating you!

19:43 (Me): Don't you dare tell anyone that I wet the bed!

19:44 (Martin): Best friends do not tell secrets.

19:51 (Martin): We should hang around tomorrow

The next day, I was at the park sitting down by the waterfall thinking about life and how hard it was at times. I blocked Martin on skype after that discussion and hoped that he finally got the message. The thing was that I did miss him! I got used to having a best friend and now that was ruined. I knew that he was now lonely and felt hurt that we were no longer friends. This was not my fault! Life had to continue, and I considered myself lucky that I could be with others and have fun. Despite that we were no longer friends, I decided that I would pray for him at Church.

Dad found me at the park and said we should walk home. As we walked he asked if I was troubled and if I needed to talk. I smiled at him and said that everything was ok. I was happy that Dad was always there for me and worried about me. It reminded me of Martin's dad, that just left him. This is what Martin needed now. He needed a dad.

Funny enough, when I thought of Martin, dad and I saw him go in the community hall. He was wearing a leotard and tights! I would not be seen dead wearing those girlish clothes. The big question was why he was going to the community center? Everyone knew that there was only a dance class that day. Dad and I looked at the notice, which said it was a ballet class.

Not only being gay, now Martin was doing ballet.

This made Dad tell me he was worried about my friendship with Martin. Dad said the boy obviously has problems. He was obviously a sissy. Dad then told me he was sometimes afraid that Martin was my friend. He explained that Martin was so feminine and obviously confused with his identity. He did not want Martin to influence me so that one day I would be asking for a dress or a leotard.

This made me laugh at the thought of wearing a dress. However, it did assure me that my decision not to be a friend with Martin was right.

This did stop Martin from trying to speak with me in the next few days, which was getting more and more annoying. Could he not understand? Why did he not get the message?

It was a month after Martin told me that he was gay. I came into class and sat down next to John, We were joking when Martin came up to me and asked me why I ignored him?

I shouted at him so the whole class could hear, "You are a sissy! You do Ballet! You told me that you were gay! I do not want to be friends with a gay boy or a sissy. LEAVE ME ALONE."

The class went silent as they heard this.


	3. Going to far

spoke too quickly! I spoke without thinking! I shouted so the whole class could hear that Martin told me that he was gay! Martins's reaction was that he slumped in his desk and he did not even try saying that he was not. The whole class was silent and then everyone started laughing and pointing at Martin. He made no attempt to defend himself. He just looked at me with teary eyes and he looked so hurt. I turned around and opened my books and tried to concentrate as the teacher came in and told everyone to calm down.

When I was home, I was on my bed looking at the ceiling. Part of me felt sorry for telling everyone that Martin was gay. He told me when we were friends and as he said, friends do not tell secrets! He never told anyone that I wet the bed. He kept to his part of the deal. So, what did this make me? Was I evil because I let the whole world know? Would he now tell everyone that I wet the bed? He had every right to do that. I knew that it was not right to tell everyone about him. On the other hand, it was his fault! He could not accept that I did not want to be friends with him. He kept on bugging me and kept on pushing me to the limit.

Maybe now he would stop asking me to be a friend. Maybe he would not be teased. It was the weekend, so people would forget it by Monday.

Maybe...

I saw Martin in Church and could hardly concentrate on my prayers. He needed to pray as much as possible, as he had perverted thoughts. His mind was corrupt as he wanted to do things that were just so wrong. Martin needed salvation!

I looked at the priest as he was talking about forgiveness. He told a story about a woman that was going to be stoned, and Jesus said that if anyone was free of sin, they could cast a stone. Slowly they all thought of their sins and one by one they dropped their stones and walked away. Jesus told the woman to go in peace as she is forgiven.

That night I had a bad dream. I was in Church and Martin was standing up by the priest. He was bleeding to death and I was throwing stones at him. He was afterward gay and this made him a bad sinner! Martin was telling me he only ever wanted me to be his friend. He screamed as I threw the stones that he wanted me to support him. As he fell to the floor, he whispered that he was so lonely since we were no longer friends. The priest said that I did not kill him with the stones. I killed him by being mean to him.

Monday came and as soon as Martin came into the classroom, he was teased. It is amazing how many words there are to call someone who thinks they are gay. The teasing went on and on, and Martin offered no defense. He just sat down at his desk and looked down at his books. I was amazed at how mean the class could be towards Martin. Some of the words must have really hurt him. I did not call him any names, but when someone looked at me, to see my reaction of their latest insult, I smiled at them. In a way, I did not want them to see I felt sorry for Martin. This meant that Martin was total shunned and humiliated at school.

I tried convincing myself, that Martin chose to be gay. He was now getting society's reaction. He has to live with that! The problem was that I still had nightmares about throwing stones at Martin, where he would slowly die. I would wake up sweating and shouting Martins's name.

Mom was sitting by my bedside one night when I woke up and said we need to talk. She noticed that I had nightmares and had a suspicion that it had something to Martin because I always ended with shouting his name. She was, of course, worried about me, so I had to tell her the whole story. I could see mom's face get white as I continued.

" What about you," she asked, " Do you think you are gay?"

" No!"

"Then I think you need to ask yourself why you think of Martin so much? You do not want to be his friend because you are afraid of your reputation. The question is are you not more of a bully now? Is this why you are having these nightmares?"

The next day, I went for a walk and was thinking about what mom told me. The truth is that I did miss Martin as a friend, but I decided long ago that this was not possible. I did not think that I was a bully. I just did not want him to be bugging me and bothering me. Why could we not just accept that we could not be friends?

It was mean that the others teased him, but he made the choice that he was gay. I know it didn't help that it was me that told everyone, but they would have found out in time. The thing was that I thought being gay was bad and a sin, but I would not call Martin names. The more I thought of it, the more I thought that it made his life hard. He lost his best friend and was teased at school!

I was walking by Martins's house when I saw him in the window. I just stood outside his house and looked in. I wanted to go to the door and tell him how I felt. I wanted him to know that we could not be best friends, but I did miss him and wished that he would find happiness. My heart skipped a beat when he stood at the window and looked out. Martin stood there for a few minutes and just looked at me. He was not smiling. He looked so sad. Still, my legs would not move. In the end, it was too late, because he closed the curtain.

This was unexpected as I did not imagine that he would not want to speak with me. It led me to think that he understood the message that I no longer wanted to be a friend. It could also be that he was mad at me. After all, I did not support him as a friend when he most needed it. Not only this, but I told everyone that he was gay!

I missed him and missed Martins's friendship. However, when he closed the curtain, it was a clear message that he was mad at me. Then I thought that he knew the greatest secret that I wet the bed. He could stop the teasing a bit by telling everyone my secret. This did not make him evil if he did, as I told everyone about him, and I would have told everyone if I was him.

This thought scared me. I do not know if wetting the bed was as bad as being gay. I just knew that I did not want anyone knowing.

So the next day, I caught up to Martin as he was walking home from school.

" I just want to say that I am sorry I told everyone that you are gay," I said,

"It's not that which hurts me!"

" What is so?"

" We were best friends, and because I told you a secret, you are now afraid to be friends with me. This hurts a lot."

" Well it is a sin to be gay and I don't want people to think we are boyfriends!"

" Do not flatter yourself so much!. I do not fancy you. I wanted you to be my best friend and not my boyfriend!"

" Whatever, what I want to say to you is not to tell anyone about my secret..."

" Oh, you mean that you wet the bed... like a little baby! Maybe I should have stopped being your friend when you told me about this. After all who wants to be a friend with a baby? I have every right to tell everyone and if I did this, what would your life be like?"

" If you tell anyone, then I beat you up and you will regret it for the rest of your life!"

I didn't feel good that I warned him. I felt like a bully.

That weekend, Dad said it was about time I started with the hobby he loved. He loved hunting. It was a family tradition that all men hunted. So it was just natural when it was my time to learn how to hunt. Dad even bought me a small rifle. So we went out and walked through one field after another field. It was nice being in nature, although it was cold.

Then we saw a pheasant. My Dad told me to aim and shoot, and it should be easy to hit. Usually, they fly and you had to shoot them then. However, When I saw the helpless bird there, I suddenly felt sorry for the bird. Why should I take its life just for the sake of fun? Did the bird have children? I aimed the rifle and my hands were shaking. Dad told me to get my act together and shoot the bird. I put down my rifle showing that I would not shoot the bird.

Dad said there is always the next time. I glared at him and said I did not want to hunt. This made dad mad, and shouted what sort of son does he have? So on my way home, Dad was calling me a wimp and sissy. He mentioned that every boy in the family learned how to hunt, and I was the first one to say I wanted to break a family tradition.

It was strange hearing Dad call me the same names that people were calling Martin. I figured that I did not really understand until now what Martin had felt. The problem was everyone called him names, and only my dad called me names. Now my Dad thought that I was a sissy!

That night, I had another dream about Martin, This was a dream where we best friends again. We didn't talk about each other's secrets, we talked about things we liked. He told me I was no sissy, and I saved a bird's life. He even taught me ballet!

The next day, I was thinking about that dream and thought it was actually fun dancing in the dream, Maybe if I understood Martin better, we could be friends. So I decided that I would do an experiment. I went to my sister's room and found one of her tutus and put it on. Then I started prancing around in my bedroom like some ballet would do. It was actually quite fun. It was nothing that I would do and be seen with others, but I understood why Martin liked dancing. It made him feel free and he was at a place where he could be himself.

Mom came in and saw me with the tutu on and just sighed. She said Martins's mother was there and she wanted to speak to me. So I quickly took off the tutu and went down to speak with his mother.

" I know that you and Martin had some disagreement," She started, " I just think that you two should make up as friends or agree to be nice to each other."

" I miss him as a friend, but it is impossible. We do not like the same things and we do not agree on things." I explained. I did not want want to tell her about Martin being gay. I made that mistake before and told everyone. Martins mother looked at me and said that we must have similarities because we miss each other. She also told me that she knew about his sexuality. She told me this did not change his personality.

I did miss him! But did no one realize what it would do for my reputation and did his mother just accept he was gay and that could corrupt me?

The next day, Martin was waiting outside my parent's shop. He was smiling as if nothing ever happened, and this was despite it was a bad day at school. The teachers were mad and even gave extra homework. I was told to stand in the corner because the teacher caught me speaking with John. I even had a note for my parents to sign because of "my attitude". How could Martin be smiling?

" Mom told me to visit you after school," he said, "She thought we could be friends again!"

I lost my temper. I shouted at him when would he understand that we were no longer best friends? I told him that I could not be a friend with a gay boy and that's just the way it was. I could see his eyes tear up, but I was gone beyond the stage of feeling sorry for him, I pushed Martin while yelling at him to leave me alone!

We were standing on the sidewalk, so Martin stumbled out in the middle of the street. Then it was like everything went in fast motion. I could see a car and then it hit Martin, throwing him over the car. I ran towards Martin, that was laying in the street and he was not getting up.

I knelt beside his body as a woman tried to wake him up. She shouted that he was not breathing and someone should call an ambulance!


	4. Death or hope

Martin was unconscious on the ground after being hit by a car. At one stage, he even stopped breathing. The woman knew first aid and managed to get him breathing again. As the ambulance came, Mom was holding me and trying to drag me back from the scene. Emotions were building up in me as I saw the ambulance drive, Martin, away.

I was in my bedroom on my bed with images of Martin being pushed by me and being hit by the car. If he died, it would be my fault as it was me that pushed him and this meant that if he died, I would be a murderer. Mom sat beside me and tried to console me saying it was not my fault.

" You cannot blame yourself for the accident,” Mom explained, " You did not like Martin pushing you to be friends. Your mind was in conflict. You wanted him as a friend and yet you could not cope with the fact that he said he was gay. I think you were afraid!”

I could not think about why we stopped being friends. I was more worried about Martin. Was he in pain? Did many bones break? Was his brain-damaged?

I begged mom to ring to the hospital and see how Martin was. Mum rang to the hospital and told me that Martin was in a coma. She explained that this meant that he was asleep and could not wake up. This made me cry again as I felt guilty. I told mum that we had to go to the hospital. Dad was out hunting so I could see mum thinking of how she could do this and who would take care of the shop. Mom sighed and mumbled to herself that I was more important. She told me to help her shut the shop and we would drive to the hospital.

When we came to the hospital we found out that Martin was still in a coma and we rushed to his room. The room was so white and everything looked so clean. It was also quiet. The only noise was the beeping noises from some machines and this machine helping Martin to breathe. He just laid there with some tubes in his mouth and his eyes closed. His arm was in a cast, so he must have broken his arm. He did not look like he was in pain. He just looked like he was dead and his body was on display.

His mom looked up at me and in tears, she shouted at me to get out. ”All my boy wanted was your friendship. You were so important for him, especially because he was new and he knew he was different than other boys. You could not accept he was gay and made his life so hard when you told everyone about him. Then when he tried the last time to be your friend, the result was that you pushed him and he now is here.”

She shouted at me and asked why it was not me that was in the hospital bed. She shouted that I had no right to cry as I was the reason Martin was here. She shouted at me to get out. She did not want me in the room. I was in tears as she kept on telling me to get out. She kept on shouting at me to get out.

We sat outside the room. The words of Martins's mother kept on going through my head. She did not have to tell me. I felt very guilty about how I treated Martin. It was my fault because I could not accept him and the way he was. I bullied him so much that he was now in the hospital!

Mom told me that we should not wait here, and we would be better at going home. I glared at mom and told her that I would be staying there. I wanted to be here when Martin woke. Mom gave me a hug as if to tell me that this could take time and we had to even accept he may not wake up. This was more than I could deal with. One thing was that Martin was in the hospital. Another thing was that he would die because of me. I broke down in tears once more.

It was hard for mom, as she did not know what to do or say. It wasn't every day someone was in this position. She felt relieved that it was not me in a coma, but she could see how much I was suffering. Mom said that she would stay with me and we would wait as long as it took.

Sitting down in a hospital hallway should be boring for some, but not me. Hours passed and I did not even notice. There were so many thoughts going through my head. In the last few weeks, I have done nothing but try and convince myself that Martin should not be my friend because he was gay. I spent all my time pushing him away. I spent so much energy and time on this as well as thinking about Martin. I did not realize is that because I missed his friendship.

It was first now that I realized that I wanted to be friends with Martin. We had more things in common than we had differences. We had fun together. Martin respected that I was not gay. I should have trusted him more that he would not do anything to me that made me feel uncomfortable. I should have taken his side when he was being teased by everyone. The bottom line is that I should have been his friend!

Now we may never get a chance to be friends. Even if Martin woke up, could he forgive me?

Hours went by and I saw that Martins's mother went out to get some rest.

I sneaked in the room and looked down at Martin. I wanted him to wake up. I held his hand and pleaded for him to wake up. He did not and just laid there. I then opened my hearts and begged him to forgive me. I told him that I was so mean and the fact was that we should have been friends all along. I admitted that I was afraid and stupid and it was hard to forgive everything I did. I laid my head on his tummy and begged him to wake up and forgive me.

Then it was like all hell broke loose. Alarms started going off and doctors and nurses came in. They stood around him for ages, poking and prodding while trying to solve what problem there was. Martins mother came in and she was crying and praying. She had her arms around me and kept me from trying to see what was happening. This continued for ages until everything went quiet.

Everything was now quiet, as the doctor announced the time. They slowly turned off the machines and took the tube out of Martins' mouth. There was silence as the doctors and nurses quietly left. Then Martins's mother started crying saying that Martin was dead.

Martin was dead!

I lost control and ran up to Martin and joined his mother in crying, I was telling him that this could not happen. I needed him! His mother needed him. I begged that he would wake up. Everything was my fault!

”My best friend is dead!” I cried and shouted.

Then I heard some coughing and looked around, only to find Martin was coughing. His mother shouted that he was alive and we thanked God!

Martin was still pale and said in a low quiet whisper, ”You just said we are best friends!”

I smiled and laughed and was nearly jumping up and down in joy

” We are best friends forever” I assured him

The end. 


End file.
